Swadhyay Still Inspires Me

Anonymous post extracted from another site

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Friends,

Swadhyay has been a part of my life since birth. I attended Swadhyay regularly and was always very active in all of its facets for a majority of my life. However, I became disillusioned around 2002-2003 when long-time Swadhyayees were being excommunicated from the organization. I thought to myself, "How can anybody deny one access to philosophical and spiritual symposium?" The resounding answer during a closed session from people high in the organization - including Didi - was that "we cannot forgive these people because they are not human, they are animals." It is painful for me to relay this but I heard it with my own ears. "How could the same people that taught me that god is within everyone tell me that there is an exception and these specific people are animals," I thought. This was also around the time that the structure of Swadhyay started to change. The "Motabhai" position became more prevalent within the organization and one could start to sense the vertical hierarchy where before it felt more like horizontal leadership. Discussion, the most beautiful part about Swadhyay pre-2002, was constricted on all levels. This was particularly d**ning for me, an American-born teen who wanted nothing more than to learn about my culture and religion through the Socratic Method. Eventually, the structure yielded an atmosphere in which one could ask a question and the only person that could reply was a Motabhai. However, if that question was too racy, there was always the looming fear that one could be excommunicated. This environment is what took Swadhyay to its plateau and then on its gradual decline.

Having said (and perhaps ranted) all of that, I must also note that anything I know about my culture and religion today has a direct relation to Swadhyay. Swadhyay inspired me, especially now, to turn to the religious texts themselves for "self-study." Swadhyay gave me such high expectations for myself. Swadhyay gave me a sense of pride in my culture and my country. Swadhyay instilled a desire to learn about all religions and not only Hinduism. Swadhyay has given me so much in my life and I expect that it will continue to give me more, but I hate to see this hope squandered by the follies of an oligarchy. I cannot speak about Swadhyay in India because I don't have enough experience with it, but I can say that Swadhyay in America is a very different environment. Some centers are so far removed from the "governing" aspect of Swadhyay that it is almost as if they are operating independently. Because of that, I think those centers, in practice, are closely aligned with the original, ideal intentions of Dada. Perhaps that is the fix needed. It is callous and speculative for people to generalize that all Swadhyayees are brainwashed and blind-followers. I can name many more free-thinking, logic-based Swadhyayees than blind-followers. So many individuals I know who have done laudable things attribute their inspiration for doing such things to the principles that Swadhyay imparted to them. I simply ask this from the posters and readers of this thread [Vijay Mehta's Forum], please do not base your opinion of Swadhyay and Swadhyayees upon the actions of a minority. Honestly, that minority is not at the center of Swadhyay. All I know is that I am who I am today because of the "Golden Age" of Swadhyay and I would hate for people in the future to miss that because of mismanagement within the hierarchy.

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